Family everyone has one. You really don't have a choice about who you are related to. They are not like friends that you can pick and choose for the life stage you are in, or for the things you have in common with them. Unlike friends, no matter where you live, how old you are your family remains the people who are related to you. The only choice you have is how you relate to your relations.
During my difficult times I have not been able to relate to my relations. Being the oldest of 7 my younger siblings have often asked for advice from me. I was the first married, first to have children, first to have grandchildren. As I paved the way to adulthood, my brothers and sisters walked onto my path and I tried to help them the best I could. While some were still children living with my parents, my husband got transferred to another city, and then another state and I became the first of us to leave our hometown. I believe it was then the change began. The change was not in my family but in myself.
There were no fighting or arguments there was only a distance that I created to keep myself from missing them all so much. Perhaps I also wanted to protect myself by not telling them share with me the pain I was experiencing in my life. I was dealing with so much I guess I feared that in sharing it might diminish my role as the much older, wiser sister. I started not being myself with my family. I still loved them but instead of nurturing my relationship I became a stranger to many of my siblings.
I had gotten to a point that I dreaded family gatherings. I would procrastinate packing to the last minute. Once I got there I would try to enjoy myself but after I while I would find myself feeling empty. I started feeling that I didn't fit in. I made excuses like I had my own family here with my four kids and their own children. But I was missing a relationship with the sisters and brothers I had shared a childhood with. I let my now adult siblings become strangers to me for the most part.
I tried to fit in by being a doting Auntie to my many nieces and nephews. I tried to reconnect with small gifts, treats, and greeting cards. The truth was I was really avoiding dealing with my siblings themselves.
A few weeks ago I attended the wedding of my niece Nichole and her husband Sam. It was at this party for the first time in years I felt reconnected with my extended family. It was so enjoyable to be with everyone.
I felt so loved and I realized I had been loved all along. I don't know if it was joyfulness of a wedding celebration or the fact I was just returning from a California Vacation with a newly engaged daughter I was ready to let my family see the real me. As I moved around the room reconnecting with conversation and laughter with all my extended family I once again felt apart of all of them. I felt like family. I realized how much I had been missing keeping my heart so closed.
Yesterday, my husband and I had a cookout at my Sisters in Indianapolis. My mom was visiting as well. We played cards and games all afternoon with my sisters kids. I hadn't laughed so hard and so long for years. We stayed till 11pm...way longer than I would of ever thought. Now that my heart is open I hope I will never close it again.
I have 4 wonderful sisters and 2 terrific brothers. I want us to share more than DNA. I know we will.
As always,
Trish
Challenge Four: Reconnecting with family
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment